Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
