i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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