Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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