"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
