I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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