last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
