Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
