called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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