I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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