You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
