It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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