i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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