he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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