there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
