...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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