you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
