My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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