The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
