my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
