My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
