This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
