Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
