just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
