Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im holly from the hills drunk
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
