So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
