I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
