im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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