you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
