a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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