i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
