She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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