Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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