He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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