If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
