she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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