i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
