her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
