i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
