I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
the raccoons are back...
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