I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
