I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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