i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
