You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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