Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
