I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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