i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
