I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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