When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
