ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
His nipple licking is glorious
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