Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
