from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
