Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
