The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
