Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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