i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
