I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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