my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
