The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
