i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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