how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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