This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The Olympian is in my bed
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
