please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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