Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
