wanna go halves on a baby?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
