I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he was CRYING into my vagina
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
