I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
