I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
