I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
