I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just gargled with NyQuil
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
