Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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