i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
