what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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