I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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