Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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