The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
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I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
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look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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